This article first appeared in the St. Louis Beacon, Dec. 16, 2009 - Time was, getting down on one knee was all a fellow had to do before popping the question. Nowadays, even though proposals are still the guy's domain, a twist on the tradition has them planning elaborate events that rival even the bride's big day. Engagement scenarios run the gamut from a Forest Park scavenger hunt that ends with the discovery of a diamond ring to a "Will you marry me?" message on the electronic billboard at a Cardinals game.
They sky's the limit. And an element of surprise is always the common denominator.
Up, Up And Away
On Sept. 1, 2006, after Todd Bourbon picked up his then-girlfriend Holly Matthews for a mystery date, he made a strange request: Would she wear a blindfold? A good sport, Holly played along. After a short car ride to Chesterfield, Todd pulled off Holly's blindfold and presented her a gift certificate for a hot air balloon ride.
"I was so ecstatic," Holly said. She had no idea the biggest surprise was yet to come.
The couple boarded the balloon basket along with the pilot and a photographer, whom Todd pawned off as someone shooting a commercial. As they flew over Lake St. Louis, they called Holly's parents and waved to them from above their house. Soon, Todd pulled out a plate piled high with strawberries and slices of oranges, pineapple and kiwi -- Holly's favorite.
"The pilot said, 'You'd better hurry up and eat the fruit,'" Holly remembered. "I'm thinking, 'Can't we just save it and put it in a Ziploc?'"
Going along with the unexplained urgency, Holly helped Todd toss some of the fruit overboard and they finished the rest just before their ride ended. When they lifted the last slice, Holly saw a message on the plate: "Holly, would you marry me? Love, Todd." "Yes!" she answered.
After the balloon touched down, Todd led Holly down a candlelit path to a Chinese dinner in an open field, with kids from their church posing as waiters and a guitarist friend who sang and played an original song that Todd helped write. Altogether, the event cost Todd about a grand, a price he was happy to pay to make "such a unique girl" happy, he said.
"I was completely blown away," Holly said.
A Busload Of Love
When Katie Leonard and Jordan Rouff of Frontenac were dating in the fall of 2006, she knew the night of Sept. 30 would be special. Along with a dozen roses, Jordan had sent a card to Katie at work that read: "Be ready tomorrow at 7:30."
"He knows I like to plan," Katie said.
The advance warning gave her time to buy a new dress for their date, which turned out to be dinner at Anthony's on the Park, their favorite restaurant. While Katie wasn't completely shocked when Jordan got down on proverbial bended knee, she was surprised at what came next.
"Both our families came running out, and 20 minutes later, a bus pulled up and 40 of our friends came in," Katie recalled. "They were so sneaky; they had known for a week."
Celebrating later at Bar Louis, dancing at Talayna's and finally collapsing in a hotel room rounded out the plan on which Jordan had been working for two months, and that cost him $650 including the bus, dinner, drinks and the room.
"I kind of wanted it to be special, to stand out and be a little different," Jordan said.
Snag Turns Hope To Disappointment, Then Joy
Allison Jaskowiak, who grew up in Chesterfield, was running late while getting ready for dinner out with her then-boyfriend Ian Kennedy on Jan. 26, 2007. After calling the restaurant to push back the reservation time, the University of Southern California students found out the electricity there was off -- and therefore, so was their dinner at the Los Angeles Checkers Hilton.
For Allison, it was no big deal to switch their plans to another eatery. But for Ian, it was potentially disastrous. He'd planned to propose there, and then whisk her off to a room he'd booked at the adjoining hotel, which he'd decorated beforehand so that Allison would walk into a rose-petal covered engagement wonderland.
As the pair dined at an alternate restaurant nearby, Ian anxiously texted Allison's roommate to find out if the electricity was back on so she could get in the room to light the candles just before the couple arrived. Allison, who had suspected this might be their big night, was quickly becoming annoyed by Ian's constant texting, and as the night wore on, his failure to produce a ring. To kill more time, he prolonged dinner with dessert.
Finally, Ian got the text message he'd hoped for: The power was back on. When he suggested they stop by the restaurant where they were supposed to have eaten, Allison, who had basketball practice early the next morning, told him 'No way.' "This is so stupid," she said, still stung by disappointment.
Ignoring her resistance, Ian pulled up to the hotel entrance. When he told the valet they'd be staying the night, Allison figured it out.
"I thought, 'Oh, gosh is this going to be the night?' and we went upstairs and he opened the door. There were candles and he had champagne and I started crying. Then he gave me a hug and he got down on his knee and asked me to marry him," Allison said.
"I was so happy it worked out," Ian said.
Why The Big Fuss, Why Do Women Wait?
According to several guys who've popped the question, men today feel pressured by peers and others to create an elaborate engagement setting as an important chapter of the couple's dating story.
"A little pressure -- not necessarily from the guys but from the women," Jordan said.
By the time most men propose, the couple has already talked about marriage together, so there's very little chance of being turned down. The official "will you marry me?" is just a ritual, according Susan Stiritz, who teaches women, gender and sexuality studies at Washington University. That it's become a Hollywood-style production stems from the real and televised world in which today's 20-somethings came of age.
"We have this celebrity culture, and young women have grown up wanting to be the star of their own show," Stiritz said.
Another factor is that sex and gender are becoming more fluid, and strict adherence to male-female roles in certain instances is a kind of backlash. While many women who long for their diamond-and-teardrops proposal moment believe in gender equality, they're unconsciously worried about how issues of power and sharing actually work in a marriage.
"The proposal is reassuring," Stiritz said. "It's like, 'Prince Charming will take care of us, and there he is on one knee.' He has ring instead of a glass slipper but it all works the same way."
Nancy Fowler Narson is a freelance writer.
